It was enough.

Saturday night and I actually fell asleep early, only to find myself stirring at around 2 in the morning of Sunday. Tossing and turning, cocooning myself in my chilly blanket, and fluffing the pillow, did nothing to put me back on slumber mode.

That’s when The End, the thirteenth and final installment in Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events, came into the picture. For months, my relationship with this series was on and off. At times it’s fast-paced I’d finish two books and a half in a day. The suspense was enticing, I had to know what happens next immediately. That is, with the first half of the series.

Then I got to the part where the villainy and the seemingly unending misfortune eventually killed the cat. Cat meaning my thirst for follow-ups and installments. Olaf, Esme Squalor, the innumerable meanings of VFD, and how when the Baudelaires thought they got the piece of cake, it’s taken away from them, was how I stepped on the brake. Woah, series, calm down.

My emotions were up and down, I had to have a breather, and I took it. For a month. Silly me, Mr. Snicket left warnings on how miserable the Baudelaire story is and I just kept on reading. On and on, eager to end the monstrosity of their misfortunes. As though by reading and getting to the final page of every book, the villainy that tags along the characters would finally, let go and let them be.

When you think about something, it adds a bit of weight to your walk, and as you think about more and more things you are liable to feel heavier and heavier, until you are so burdened you cannot take any further steps, and can only sit and stare at the gentle movements of the ocean waves or security guards, thinking too hard about too many things to do anything else.

Reading thirteen books on misfortune is bound to take its toll on you. Reading this series means a rollercoaster ride for my emotions. Thinking too much, I didn’t just mentally put myself in their shoes. For a while, I unconsciously immersed deeply in their catastrophes. As if I was standing in the very same spot. What can Violet invent to get us out of this disaster? Klaus, do you remember anything you’ve read about this and that? Sunny, is there anything you can prepare that wo

It is a curious thing, but as one travels the world getting older and older, ut appears that happiness is easier to get used to than despair.

Hmmm.

There is a kind of crying I hope you have not experienced, and it is not just about crying about something terrible that has happened, but a crying for all of the terrible things that have happened, not just to you but to everyone you know and to everyone you don’t know and even the people you don’t want to know, a crying that cannot be diluted by a brave deed or a kind word, but only by someone holding you as your shoulders shake and your tears run down your face.

Never, ever thought I’d feel differently about him. But when the sort-of closure and sort-of answers to the questions were laid out, and final words were uttered, when his eyes shone brightly, I found the connection. I understood. Whenever I read the paragraph where Count Olaf finally shut off, I mourn. Honestly, my heart breaks even more for him than Kit Snicket. It’s Severus Snape all over again.

One cannot spend forever sitting and solving the mysteries of one’s history,and no matter how much one reads, the whole story can never be told.

But it was enough.

We’ve finally walked through the beginning of the end. With Mr. Snicket still on the run.

An Irish Enchantment by Eleanor Rogers Cox

From Troubles of The World

There’s a ripple and shower of song-drops shaken,
A brown wing whirrs through the whitethorn spray —
O soul of mine from your dream awaken!
Sweet, green Erin is far away.

Here is no highway of singing thrushes —
Onward with thunderous roar and din,
The great life-stream of the city rushes,
Avid to draw me in.

Yet over it all, the wild, faint laughter
Of grasses astir beneath the moon,
Cries, “Come!” “Come!” “Come!” and I follow after
The whispering, elfin tune.

And my feet are winged with a blind desire
For brackened hills where the starbeams rest,
And dead as the ash of a last year’s fire
Is the spirit within my breast.

Is it not time to cease your dreaming,
Lost and wandering heart o’ me say?
O fairy eyes through the thickets gleaming,
You’ve stolen my soul away!

From: Cox, Eleanor Rogers, Singing Fires of Erin

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Lee Seung Gi’s Invite

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If I were to buy just one LSG album, I’d most likely choose this mini-album done in collaboration with Epitone Project. (More info here) Plus the photobook, which I’m curious about, as well. Honestly, much as I like Seung Gi, I haven’t bought any of his albums or other merchandises with his name or face on it. I only heard three songs from this album, all of which have an official MV. 나에게 초대 (Naege Chodae), or Invitation to Me, is my favorite song and video among the three.
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The song’s quite comfortable already when you hear it, and then the MV happens. The shots add more calm to it, thus, this post.
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There are hints of innocence. Throughout the video, Seung Gi’s playfulness shows. There were also instances when SG looked at someone behind the camera, like he was asking for guidance on what he should do. Those moments felt raw to me, haha.
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힘들었던 하루 끝엔 내가 있을게
조금만 내 곁에 가까이 와주지 않겠니?
I will be there at the end of your hard day,
Won’t you come a bit closer to me?

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Then his heodangness seeps through. He’s unexpectedly clueless and awkward at shots, but it just makes him all the more endearing to me. Ooh, my heart is on my sleeve.
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Then, he was cool and composed. As ever.
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Much as it suggests itself as either spring or fall tune, moreso, it’s a song for laidback times. For deep breaths, and not sighs, to release negativity,that kind of moment. For settling down after a long, strenuous day. For being at home, and in peace with the place where you are. For when your in harmony with your self. And when, after all has been said and done, the pieces fall into their places. (Oppa, in the last screenshot you remind me of MiHo when she was eating her fill of cow meat.)

“슬퍼했던 오래 전 기억들도 같이 나누자
조금씩 오래, 두 손을 마주잡고”
Let’s share the old and sad memories together,
Little by little, for a long time, as we hold hands.

Autumn Gilt by Valerie Bloom

From Troubles of The World

The late September sunshine
Lime green on the linden leaves
Burns bronze on the slated roof-tops,
Yellow on the farmer’s last sheaves.

It flares flame-like on the fire hydrant,
Is ebony on the blackbird’s wing,
Blue beryl on the face of the ocean,
Glints gold on the bride’s wedding ring.

A sparkling rainbow on the stained-glass window,
It’s a silver sheen on the kitchen sink,
The late September sunshine
Is a chameleon I think.

From: http://www.poetryarchive.org/poetryarchive/singlePoem.do?poemId=2809

Date: 2000

By: Valerie Bloom (1956- )

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The Last Time.

The last time you swallowed your pride, it filled you up down to the core and forgot its way out of your system. The day it flushes out of you is still in the works. Is it, really?

The last time you swallowed your pride, you almost didn’t. You said we were the ones who misunderstood. You said there’s no reason for you to apologize because we thought wrong. You said it’s not your fault if we didn’t read between the lines. You put in a good word for you, fine. But you’re not fooling anyone, well, not us anyway. It’s as clear as day. No, more than that. Between the lines malign us in exchange for setting up a perfect image for you.

Look at that. Everything you’ve said can be summarized in a single word. YOU. All caps, in bold. Should I also italicize it for you?

Let me tell you this story. In Greek mythology, there was this hunter who was endowed with good looks, he was renowned for it. However, his ego got in the way. Once upon a time, he saw his reflection, and he fell in love with it. He couldn’t walk away from this handsome young man, oh yeah. Then he died. What do you think about this story? Narcissistic, eh?

Lately, I’ve come across certain passages similar to the story I just told you. Like this one from Matilda, by Roald Dahl:
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And this one, too. Though whoever came up with it, I’m not sure.
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Anyway, enough of bloated egos. This one I posted on Facebook, and you know I rarely do status there, just for you. (It’s an excerpt from the previous post, a reblog.)
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There you are, posting whatever without thinking twice, about your side. Oh yeah, you were convinced that we wouldn’t retaliate and just let you be. Go on, fool them with your one-sided, sympathy-seeking, I’m-a-weakling-you-must-side-with-me ramblings. That rhymes, ha.

But unlike before, we are taking a stand now. We’re long past passiveness. We’re long past trying to convince you to keep it between us and stop involving other people. We’re long past resorting to direct messages while you put what’s supposed to be personal for the world to see.

It’s our turn now. Might as well brace yourself up for it. No, it won’t be another Facebook status. We’re putting it into words, into paragraphs, into chapters. No cuts, no edits, nothing shall be left out. Until the whole story comes to light.

Don’t worry, it would be our privilege to have you read it first.

Short-lived, now long live.

We’ve got new furnitures moving in the house, thus things kept at the back of closets got a breath of fresh air.

While cleaning up this morning, saved letters, typewritten and handwritten, postcards and birthday cards, I’ve read their contents.

Most of the letters were between my parents. Before they got married and when they were, and when they were expecting me. There were even birthday cards for myself, back when I haven’t thought of reading yet.

They (my parents) really were expecting me. I’m a ’93 baby, for starters. But I came across this letter, from the year ’91. It was written by my Mommy, but signed with my name. My name is nowhere near my Mom’s name. Except for the first letter, and even that is from her nickname.

Among the pile were letters unsent. Finished but never got to the post office. How can I feel sorry about that? I get to keep them. I don’t remember her voice anymore. I try to, but I know it’s not the same, what she really sounded like and what I hear in my head.

Putting two and two together, Mommy was having doubts before about Dad. Yes, she was thankful for the attention, affection, the love that Dad was giving her. But the doubts were there. Doubts if they could work out a relationship. It’s because my Mom’s older than Dad, a letter from her says so.

One postscript in a random letter by Mom to Dad, I shall remember from this day forward: “I love you, but God loves you more.

The papers have grown old with time, but the heart and sincerity in each is as young as it ever was.

흔들리며 피는 꽃 (Flowers That Bloom When Shaken)

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흔들리지 않고 피는 꽃이
어디 있으랴?
이 세상 그 어떤 아름다운 꽃들도
다 흔들리며 피었나니
흔들리면서 줄기를 곧게 세웠나니
흔들리지 않고 가는 사랑이
어디 있으랴?

젖지 않고 피는 꽃이
어디 있으랴?
이 세상 그 어떤 빛나는 꽃들도
다 젖으며 젖으며 피었나니
바람과 비에 젖으며
꽃잎 따뜻하게 피웠나니
젖이 않고 가는 삶이
어디 있으랴?

ㅡ도종환

Translation:
Where is the flower that blooms without shaking?
Any of the beautiful flowers in this world all bloom while being shaken.
They shake on stems that grow upright.
Where is the love that goes without shaking?

Where is the flower that blooms without being soaked?
Any of the shining flowers of this world bloom as they are soaked.
Soaked by wind and rain, petals bloom warmly.
Where is the life that goes without being soaked?

ㅡDo Jong-Hwan

(I tried transcribing it myself but I got some of the words wrong. That being said, the translation I got from the recap on Dramabeans. The photo is mine, though. Anyway, heard this piece on School 2013 episode 10, from Jang Na-Ra. Found it necessary to write it down on my journal.)

I still hear your voice.

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It’s been a month since you and me. While we were together, you’ve made think things I thought of before but forgotten. Like being an attorney, because regardless of the cliche of lawyers are liars, you made court proceedings and case studies cool. I could choose any other adjective to use but cool will do. Because you are.
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Though I never got to know how and why Park Soo-Ha (Lee Jong-Suk) could read minds, I don’t… mind at all. His one-sided tearfall (where do I get my words), aggressive attitude, e.g. yeah let’s talk banmal (Korean informal language), and his consistent gumshoe clinginess to Jang Hye-Sung (Lee Bo-Young) makes up for it. And he’s not the only character with a flair.

Jang Hye-Sung/Jjang-byun(Lee Bo-Young, you and your couldn’t-care-less ways. Complimenting yourself everytime you win over someone with your words (playback post-courthearing conversations). Your sort-of sorrys and sort-of thank yous. Then again, you have your Jjang-mom to look up to. Remember this sentiment?
An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth. If all people lived that way, everyone will become handicapped.
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In all seriousness, you gave me moments worth squealing for. You made me love this partnership, and envious of it at the same time. You made Soo-Ha man enough I forgot he was ten years younger than Jjang-byun.

You gave me moments to know other characters’ depths. Whether it be over a morning meal, or an after-work soju spree, sober or not, or with the glass window between, even in silence, you said it all.
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That is why, I still hear your voice.

(Photos not mine. The last photo is humor to the written content, eh?)