Daily Prompt: BFFs

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Trust. Big word.

This line is brought to you by the local movie It Takes A Man and A Woman.

Today’s daily prompt calls for what you’ve learned from your closest friend. In some earlier posts, I’ve dropped hints on life’s lessons starring a particular friend.

The past circumstances didn’t actually deliver the lesson on my doorstep. It was more of a realization on my part, more of picking up the delivery when it’s been there all along.

Back in college, with friendship matters, I was too trusting. I trusted  my judgment, I trusted that friend, I entrusted the other half of friendship to that friend, believing it to be in good hands.

This is not to come clean. I take part of the blame for that one time my spiteful tongue and unthinking gave me away. But for the other times? Note that it happened multiple times and it was always me, together with the other friends in the group, who’d make amends and say sorry and take every bit of the blame. Not that I have regrets of pointing finger at myself, as pride is definitely a no-no for me in certain situations.

However, there’s more to it than just plain humility. We, I did it, been the one to patch things up, because you can’t expect it from her. How else should I have done it? To counter pride with pride was not an option. Regardless of insinuations and misleading statuses on her social media accounts, the friendship comes first.

After several arguments, majority of these lasting for months, we’re still friends. But the cracks are there and will always be. I’m all for forgiving, but forgetting is another story. I don’t know if she notices, but quoting Taylor Swift ft. Ed Sheeran’s song, “Everything has changed.”

I’m sorry, and not sorry, for refusing to put my feelings in your hands again. I invoke my right against masochism, embarassing, tear-stained acts in a 24/7 convenience store early in the morning, and crying-myself-to-sleep-asking-God-if-it’s-all-my-fault nights.

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