Literary hangover.

Firstly, I thought the Winter Carnival was the separate peace the book was talking about. And then I got to the end, well, almost,  and Finny was the separate peace. And then Mr. Knowles kills Finny with his own bone marrow. Then again maybe I shouldn’t point fingers at Mr. Knowles because it wasn’t him who entered Finny’s bloodstream and stopped Finny’s heart.

How is it that a clean break killed Phineas altogether? Is that supposed to be a metaphor? Like it’s just you deluding yourself to thinking things are under your control when in fact they are not? You think this life, your life, is in your grasp, that you’re holding it tightly however, some parts are still slipping away through the cracks. Slowly, then all at once. (No, this is not Hazel Grace of The Fault In Our Stars falling in love with Augustus. That’s another story.)

I have bits of Gene in my genes (did I just write that); I also have “some ignorance inside me, some crazy thing inside me, something blind”. At some point I’d act on impulse and I’d push people away. Which is both good and otherwise, depends.

I have highlighted more on my book but I’m only writing Gene and Finn’s lines, the former from page 85, the latter from page 191.

…and I lost part of myself to him then, and a soaring sense of freedom revealed that this must have been my purpose from the first: to become a part of Phineas.

I believe you. It’s okay because I understand and I believe you. You’ve already shown me and I believe you.

In the book, it’s also written that nothingㅡnot a tree, or love, or death by violenceㅡendures. And something the author says, that it’s a story of “growth through tragedy”. Nice would be an understatement.

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The Visit by Sharon Dolin

From Troubles of The World

There will always be this place
inside
where I feel her absence
where I feel the echo of her lost voice —
the one she would have used to call me
back from sadness             as she had to be
called so many times         back from madness.

What would it take to summon her —
Not having an address, just a marker
for where she is not

I can only go and visit
her absence                     her remains
which become less and less like her
more and more like the earth and trees,
the sky she continually faces.

I’d rather picture her under the sea
hair waving to the fishes and the brine,
being washed clean by
sharks and plankton

than under those pines by
the stone bench: one more desiccating root
in a garden of bones.

From: http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/browse/162/6#!/20603709

Date: 1993

By: Sharon Dolin (1956- )

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It was enough.

Saturday night and I actually fell asleep early, only to find myself stirring at around 2 in the morning of Sunday. Tossing and turning, cocooning myself in my chilly blanket, and fluffing the pillow, did nothing to put me back on slumber mode.

That’s when The End, the thirteenth and final installment in Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events, came into the picture. For months, my relationship with this series was on and off. At times it’s fast-paced I’d finish two books and a half in a day. The suspense was enticing, I had to know what happens next immediately. That is, with the first half of the series.

Then I got to the part where the villainy and the seemingly unending misfortune eventually killed the cat. Cat meaning my thirst for follow-ups and installments. Olaf, Esme Squalor, the innumerable meanings of VFD, and how when the Baudelaires thought they got the piece of cake, it’s taken away from them, was how I stepped on the brake. Woah, series, calm down.

My emotions were up and down, I had to have a breather, and I took it. For a month. Silly me, Mr. Snicket left warnings on how miserable the Baudelaire story is and I just kept on reading. On and on, eager to end the monstrosity of their misfortunes. As though by reading and getting to the final page of every book, the villainy that tags along the characters would finally, let go and let them be.

When you think about something, it adds a bit of weight to your walk, and as you think about more and more things you are liable to feel heavier and heavier, until you are so burdened you cannot take any further steps, and can only sit and stare at the gentle movements of the ocean waves or security guards, thinking too hard about too many things to do anything else.

Reading thirteen books on misfortune is bound to take its toll on you. Reading this series means a rollercoaster ride for my emotions. Thinking too much, I didn’t just mentally put myself in their shoes. For a while, I unconsciously immersed deeply in their catastrophes. As if I was standing in the very same spot. What can Violet invent to get us out of this disaster? Klaus, do you remember anything you’ve read about this and that? Sunny, is there anything you can prepare that wo

It is a curious thing, but as one travels the world getting older and older, ut appears that happiness is easier to get used to than despair.

Hmmm.

There is a kind of crying I hope you have not experienced, and it is not just about crying about something terrible that has happened, but a crying for all of the terrible things that have happened, not just to you but to everyone you know and to everyone you don’t know and even the people you don’t want to know, a crying that cannot be diluted by a brave deed or a kind word, but only by someone holding you as your shoulders shake and your tears run down your face.

Never, ever thought I’d feel differently about him. But when the sort-of closure and sort-of answers to the questions were laid out, and final words were uttered, when his eyes shone brightly, I found the connection. I understood. Whenever I read the paragraph where Count Olaf finally shut off, I mourn. Honestly, my heart breaks even more for him than Kit Snicket. It’s Severus Snape all over again.

One cannot spend forever sitting and solving the mysteries of one’s history,and no matter how much one reads, the whole story can never be told.

But it was enough.

We’ve finally walked through the beginning of the end. With Mr. Snicket still on the run.

An Irish Enchantment by Eleanor Rogers Cox

From Troubles of The World

There’s a ripple and shower of song-drops shaken,
A brown wing whirrs through the whitethorn spray —
O soul of mine from your dream awaken!
Sweet, green Erin is far away.

Here is no highway of singing thrushes —
Onward with thunderous roar and din,
The great life-stream of the city rushes,
Avid to draw me in.

Yet over it all, the wild, faint laughter
Of grasses astir beneath the moon,
Cries, “Come!” “Come!” “Come!” and I follow after
The whispering, elfin tune.

And my feet are winged with a blind desire
For brackened hills where the starbeams rest,
And dead as the ash of a last year’s fire
Is the spirit within my breast.

Is it not time to cease your dreaming,
Lost and wandering heart o’ me say?
O fairy eyes through the thickets gleaming,
You’ve stolen my soul away!

From: Cox, Eleanor Rogers, Singing Fires of Erin

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Lee Seung Gi’s Invite

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If I were to buy just one LSG album, I’d most likely choose this mini-album done in collaboration with Epitone Project. (More info here) Plus the photobook, which I’m curious about, as well. Honestly, much as I like Seung Gi, I haven’t bought any of his albums or other merchandises with his name or face on it. I only heard three songs from this album, all of which have an official MV. 나에게 초대 (Naege Chodae), or Invitation to Me, is my favorite song and video among the three.
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The song’s quite comfortable already when you hear it, and then the MV happens. The shots add more calm to it, thus, this post.
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There are hints of innocence. Throughout the video, Seung Gi’s playfulness shows. There were also instances when SG looked at someone behind the camera, like he was asking for guidance on what he should do. Those moments felt raw to me, haha.
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힘들었던 하루 끝엔 내가 있을게
조금만 내 곁에 가까이 와주지 않겠니?
I will be there at the end of your hard day,
Won’t you come a bit closer to me?

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Then his heodangness seeps through. He’s unexpectedly clueless and awkward at shots, but it just makes him all the more endearing to me. Ooh, my heart is on my sleeve.
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Then, he was cool and composed. As ever.
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Much as it suggests itself as either spring or fall tune, moreso, it’s a song for laidback times. For deep breaths, and not sighs, to release negativity,that kind of moment. For settling down after a long, strenuous day. For being at home, and in peace with the place where you are. For when your in harmony with your self. And when, after all has been said and done, the pieces fall into their places. (Oppa, in the last screenshot you remind me of MiHo when she was eating her fill of cow meat.)

“슬퍼했던 오래 전 기억들도 같이 나누자
조금씩 오래, 두 손을 마주잡고”
Let’s share the old and sad memories together,
Little by little, for a long time, as we hold hands.