Secondhand judgments and disappointments.

I’m going for a situational analysis with this post. Say a friend of mine tells me he is disappointed in me for turning down a job opportunity. Say he tells me how I’m not a fighter for making that decision. Say he tells me that the work I turned down is better than the one I’ve chosen to do. Says he hopes I won’t have any regrets.

A few weeks ago I’ve decided to try being an ESL teacher to Korean kids. This will be my first job after getting out of college. It’s contractual since it is likely that after two months, there will be no students to teach. Which means I may go back to being unemployed afterwards.

Am I worried? I’d be lying if I say I’m not. However, with this decision I’ve come up with another decisionㅡthat is to stop worrying on what is to come and just live for the NOW. I’ve always loved what Hagrid said in the latter part of Goblet of Fire. He said “What’s coming will come and we’ll meet it when it does.” Well said, Hagrid. That makes so much sense.

Am I not a fighter? Am I a coward? I’ve been making decisions for myself for sometime now and if choosing what I think is best for me instead of letting others do it for me, if you think that’s being weak, then let’s stop this conversation at once.

For one, you’ve just told me you think that opportunity is better. To conclude what you said, I think I’m being brave here. I think I’m the one taking a risk here. I’m the one, as you intend to say, putting the stability of my future on the line. Does that seem cowardice to you? People who know me know that I’m all for going along with the rules. I’m all for reasonable things. I’m a sucker for reality checks. But now, finally, I’m doing the leap.

If I’d have any regrets, no worries because I won’t let you hear my rants and all else that comes with regrets. Though I’ve only been trodding this planet for 19 years, believe me, I’ve lived many lives already.

Don’t expect me to live up to anyone’s expectations. Don’t expect me to take the same course you’re taking now. Don’t assume that I’ll be better off with what you think is best. Life is full of uncertainties. I won’t let myself be tied down to something that I’m not passionate about just because. It’s a regret I fear more than being unemployed after two months. Don’t even think of being disappointed in me, I don’t see the need to measure up to your criteria. I’ll let you live your life, so please, stop your judgment and words of disappointment. Let me live mine.

Somewhere,
Dyan

Advertisements

What are your thoughts on this?

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s